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Medical, professional, and personal opinions seemed to keep pointing to the stress itself as the cause of these "bad spells". It was easy to have it all explained away because, on the surface, it made sense. Didn't the "bad spells" come on about the same time as the stresses increased? Sure, they did. So, I was told to take a pill and live with it. How many times did I need to be told the same thing before I began to look "stupid" as well for not listening? So, I lived with it - for years. |
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I have Graves' Disease. I have had Graves' Disease most of my life. My Graves' Disease caused my Hyperthyroidism. Having Hyperthroidism with Graves' Disease is the same as having any other form of it but with this one little twist - Graves' Disease is an autoimmune disorder and it can recur throughout your lifetime. Thyroid hormones can surge through your body for a time and then ebb like the tide leaving behind little physical evidence that they had been there. Graves' Disease is hereditary. If you are born with it, it may or may not manifest itself. If it does, it may or may not recur. If it does recur, it may or may not be severe. Much of this depends on internal and/or external circumstances. External stress, among other things, can trigger an episode. As in my case, the external stresses triggered the internal changes which affected me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Which in turn made the external stresses worse because of my inability to take care of them, which in turn kept the cycle going until my body finally decided to call a truce - a temporary "stay of execution" - until the next time. |
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Thinking back, most of what I remember is a fear that seemed to live in my soul. And I remember "knowing" that what was happening to me was caused from stress. Wasn't that what I had been told? Besides, many of these things could be from lack of sleep, getting older, menopause, drinking too much, and the depression itself. The thought of seeing another physician never entered my mind. The results of that were always the same. Why uselessly spend money I didn't have. |
Sound crazy? It was. |
Especially considering I had a goiter. In my mind, it didn't matter. I just figured I had a cancer that I didn't have the money to pay for anyway. Besides, who cares when they are suicidal. The most interesting part though, was that I had practiced for a lifetime at covering my "odd behavior". I had become an expert at avoiding ridicule. So, aside from my son and my sister being a little suspicious that I was "having another spell", mostly what was noticed by the people around me was my extremely irritating behavior. No one knew until I was caught in the act of calling the suicide hot line in September 1996. |
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At this writing it is March 1997. The goiter is nearly gone. I am still physically weak. My hair is still brittle and some of my skin still feels like leather. It will take a long time for my body to heal. I am not yet able to start the thyroid hormone medications. Hopefully, the blood test scheduled for later this month will be better. The one last month was fantastic. Everything was in normal range except for the TSH which was still .03 Absent. |
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I look ten years older than I did when I had some business pictures taken in March of 1996. I found them the other day. As I was gazing at them and thinking about my life over the last year, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. Right in plain view, for all the world to see was the goiter. |
![]() March 1996 |
I visited my sister last night. We were sitting at the kitchen table having coffee. We were laughing and joking, in general just being silly. Something we hadn't done in a very, very long time. I was telling her a story. I was expressing emphasis with my hands, my face was animated, and my voice was solid and clear. I was talking about the future because now, I have one. |
This portion of "My Story" was written on March 5, 1997.
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